My husband, Arnee, and I come from large families, very, very large families. Combined, we had 35 aunts and uncles (before marriage) and 67 first cousins.

Throughout our childhoods, there were numerous family events with cousins who grew up knowing each other. My, how that has changed. Like picking petals off a daisy, the large families we grew up with are shrinking.

Our children and grandchildren, coupled with our cousins and their children and grandchildren, and even their great-grandchildren, all contribute to a growing family. On the other hand, attrition, coupled with the trend of distant living, shows that the family we grew up with is shrinking in the sense that it is no longer a close-knit family celebrating at bountiful family gatherings.

The word “family” has taken on a new meaning. Family is no longer everyone living nearby who is related and regularly spending time together, talking, picnicking, and delving into each other’s woes. In many cases, now, it’s long-distance and not as intimate. With these changes in society, it can become difficult to decide whom to invite to celebrations.

When we returned from our trip to Alaska, the 50th state we visited, where we celebrated our 50th anniversary in June, we decided to host a party with our family and friends. We extended party invitations to a wide array of family members and friends, and hosted additional gatherings to include as many as possible.

At our party in August, along with many of our friends, my three brothers, a handful of cousins, and the youngest of our three children were at our house to celebrate. Our two other children, with their spouses and our grandchildren, one family living in Ohio, and the other in California, “Zoomed In” on FaceTime for the festivities.

On that glorious day, I relished the discussion with our cousin Jerry Hirschman. Our daughter Rina is named for his mother, Rosie, my mother-in-law’s sister, to whom my grandfather delivered ice and coal in Linden, New Jersey, probably from the 1920s through the 1940s. On delivery days, I was told that my grandfather tied up his horse while he and Aunt Rosie spoke about the old country.

Aunt Rosie told me my grandfather was “so honest.” Her kind words stayed with me. Little did they know when they stood chatting that someday his granddaughter would marry her nephew, and her son and daughter-in-law, along with some of her grandchildren, would celebrate at their 50th wedding anniversary party.

Jerry, a great-grandfather, now 92, is a terrific bearer of family lore. He spoke of my parents walking me in the baby carriage in Linden (where they lived when they first married), with my brothers at their side. That was across from our home in Roselle, New Jersey, where I was raised. He may be the only one alive who remembers both his cousin Arnee (my husband) and me, “before we were born!”

I always said that if I hadn’t met Arnee at a party when I was 16, someone such as a member of the Hirschman clan, who was related to my mother-in-law and knew my parents, would have eventually introduced us. Life was different; family was all around. Everyone looked out for the neighbor’s children, who, in many cases, were related to them.

Today, it’s hard to believe we had 67 first cousins. Where have all our cousins gone?

That said, we welcomed five grandchildren from 2019 to 2024, and my eldest brother welcomed his first great-grandchild this year. Cousins upon cousins were added to the family tree as new descendants of long-lost cousins continued to multiply. A shrinking and growing family for sure.